


At least I got you in my head, Sleepovers in my bed

by nica00



Category: The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, NSFW, Patroclus pinning through the years, Smut, oblivious achilles, patrochilles au, sexually frustrated pat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 13:44:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13365954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nica00/pseuds/nica00
Summary: 3 times Patroclus fantasized about Achilles and the time he didn’t have to





	At least I got you in my head, Sleepovers in my bed

**Author's Note:**

> Story and Title inspired from Hayley Kiyoko’s song “Sleepover”. I heavily recommend listening while reading!!
> 
> This is the first nsfw I’ve ever shared omg so I’m dying as I type this. Some feedback and writing tips as well as pointing out grammar errors would be greatly appreciated!!!
> 
> Have Fun! ; )

Even after all the times Achilles has slept over, I still can't handle the sight of him spread out in my bed like that. I walked out of the shower and made my way towards my room. And shit, I didn't expect to see him lying on my bed asleep. He has upside down, and he didn't have a shirt on. Fuck, he was wearing part of that rude ass track uniform. Those stupid shorts. His mouth is half open and his green eyes hide behind his eyelids. I sit on the other side of the bed and I just look at him. I review the freckles on his back, since I have the pattern memorized. I start to entertain myself by making shapes on it, my fingers centimeters away from his skin, but never touching. Afterwards I change into sweats and a t-shirt and grab a book from my shelf and start reading to kill time. After I read a few chapters, I put the book down in defeat, distracted by the young god on top of my navy blue sheets. I stare and stare and never get tired of it. My mind is pestered with images of golden hair sprawled on this bed, the curve at the bottom of his back, the freckles on his shoulders. Plump lips dripping with desire. The way he would look doing that. The sounds he would make. The way pleasure looked on his face. I wanted to give him that, at least. All these things I could never have are on my mind as I stare and stare. 

__

Another day, Achilles sits up in the bed, finally waking up at 12:30pm and letting out a growl-like yawn. “Patroclus, what time is it?” He drawls in his croaky “just woke up” voice that made my knees weak. There was a particular hoarseness in his voice when he woke up that always led me to dive headfirst into the gutter. Would he sound like that if I had him in my mouth? Would he implore my name like that? He stretches a bit and I can see his collarbone though his threadbare white t-shirt. There was currently an angel in my bed.

“It's twelve thirty, Achilles” I answer laughing a bit at the scowl on his face. He must feel like shit considering how hard he went at it at last nights party.

“That's what you get when you don't pace yourself, we've been over this” I say chucking him the aspirin bottle.

“But Pat, it feels so good” he whines, only frustrating me more. Achilles didn't like the taste of alcohol, he liked the feeling. How light and bubbly it made him. He sang and danced, Achilles was a happy drunk. We spend the morning aka the rest of the day in bed, him on his phone and me pretending to read a book, but in reality I spend most of it wondering about the fair haired boy. What his sensitive spots are, how he likes it best, how and where he likes to be kissed. It leaves a bittersweet taste in my mouth to think that the odds aren't in my favor here, and that I would never know these things. All I have is the safe haven in my head, where I know exactly what he needs and how to give it to him. Even when he's in the same bed as me it's not the way I want it, but I can't help but dwell on the possibility. In my head _everything_ was possible.

—

I just wanted for once, even if only once for the Achilles in my head to be real. For him to randomly kiss my cheek and hug me from behind like I wanted him to. To tell me he loved me every chance he got. It's not easy having a crush and being a daydreamer. And that crush being on your best friend, the person you spend all your time with, that was literally the worst thing ever. You start to imagine what could be. He could kiss me, and he could touch me like he does in my head. I know that he loves me, but not in the way I want him to. I don't know if it would be worse that he didn't at all. At least I have his love, even if it is in a platonic form. _Best Friends Forever_ , we had sworn all those years ago. At least I have him in my head, and if I cant have him I don't want to be anywhere else. He is sleeping next to me soundly, soft noises leaving his mouth. His hair is in his face and I push it back to get a better look at it. Achilles sleeps like the dead, I could chop all his hair off and he wouldn't even move. I lay here in my bed and start to wonder. The moonlight coming in through the window makes his hair even more luminescent than usual. He was so alluring, how could I have not fallen in love? I just look at him, but in my head he is unforgivingly wrecking me. I tug on his hair to steady myself a bit and he gasps at the feeling of it combined with everything else. He thrusts upwards and I wrap my hands around his shoulders tightly, muffling my sounds in his neck  and holding on for the ride.

___

I look outside and notice it's dark out. As if on cue, Achilles phone starts to ring and he shifts, ignoring it. It was his father and I quickly grab it and answer. It had been a while since I had seen him.  

“Hi” I say into the phone “It's Patroclus. Yeah, he fell asleep. It's no problem, have a good night” I tell him. He hangs up the phone and I look around my room. He was half awake in the bed staring at me. Achilles rubs his eyes before muttering a

“Thank you for that” as he stuffs his head into my pillow.

“Yeah, No problem” I choke out as I walk out of my room. I go into the guest room closet and pull out the air mattress from the closet. Any other day I would have been content to sleep on the same bed, but not today. Not since what he told me about Deidameia. A few days ago after his track practice the boys come to the bleachers and sit, waiting to get picked up. They start to talk about Deidameia. All the boys think she's gorgeous. Some of them said things that I don't want to even remember. Achilles tensed beside me at the mention of her and a boy winks at him after saying

“But you know all about that, right Pelides?” All the boys wolf whistled and cheered.

“You guys are shameless” is all Achilles responds, giving them a smile that would have fooled a stranger, but not me. You see I basically have a Ph D in Achilles and his moods and just all of him, so I knew something was wrong. The boys started to walk towards the gates and we followed suit, turning the other way and leaving the school campus.

”You've never had a girlfriend, right Pat?” he asked me as we walked to my house. The question completely catched me off guard and I stammered for a few seconds. He didn’t look at me, he was focused on the road ahead.

“No” I said finally. “I've never had one. Why?” I asked, sounding more desperate than what I meant it to come out. I tried to seem unaffected, but my voice gave it all away.

“You know, I never liked Dei, I never really liked her like that. Her mother knew mine for a long time and I always felt obligated to date her and everything. She is very pretty, but I never reciprocated the love she felt for me. And all my friends lust after her, but I can't see it, she's just so shallow…” He confessed lowering his voice at the end.

“Why didn't you just break up with her? You never told me this” I say. He told me everything. We talked about everything, but that. That magnetism we felt, the way we felt separated, the way we felt reunited and everything in between. Everything but that. Yet he never told me this.

“I couldn't, I didn't want to make her feel bad, or reject her. God, she is such a nice girl” he answered regretfully.

“But you made yourself feel bad” I told him. He nods and continues.

“I didn't know what was wrong with me, I had the perfect relationship with a pretty girl and she wasn't just pretty, she cared about me. But I literally felt as if I couldn't wait to get away from her. That made me feel awful. I should have ended it since the beginning. We dated for 2 years. I knew that she was quite fond of me and yet I was such a prick sometimes. I would cancel our plans and pulled away when she kissed or touched me. To be honest, I felt so unhappy around her that it sickened me. She was nice, I thought of her as a friend, but I just couldn't picture myself with her. When she finally broke up with me, remember? We marathoned Star Wars, it was on your Birthday and we ate ice cream cake. Well it was probably one of the best days of my life” When he said all that, I let out a breath. He finally looked at me. His eyes were weary and tears brimmed at the edges. He was crying.“I still feel so guilty, I wasted 2 years of her life” he says. All I could think of was of the two years of _his_ life he wasted. I didn't know what to say to him, he looked exhausted. I got tongue tied and did the only thing I could think of: I hugged him. He seemed to be tense at first but then he breathed out and everything was right in our own little world. His chest radiated heat into mine and my heart jumped, and he felt it, he must have, so I relaxed and held him tight. He leaned into it too and I breathed him in before pulling away and putting my hand on his shoulder.

“I'm sorry Achilles, but it wasn't your fault. She stayed with you despite your distance. And she treated you like shit because of it sometimes, I remember. She noticed it and she brushed it off.” I said, trying to talk him down.

After he told me all of that I suddenly felt incredibly guilty and hypocritical, because I brushed off my feelings too, and his sometimes when he looked at me like with those wicked green eyes or he smiled coyly at me in a silent challenge. I plug in the mattress and it starts to make a low ventilating noise. I run my hands through my hair, this is gonna be the longest night of my life. I hear a shuffle by the door and turn around. He stands there, one of my shirts on now and looks at me from the doorframe.

“What are you doing?” He asks, rubbing the sleep from his eyelids.

”I'm plugging in the mattress so it can fill up and take it to my room to sleep in it” I say as if it was the most obvious thing ever, knowing that with us it wasn’t. He walks over to the plug and pulls on the cord nonchalantly. The machine stops and we are left in complete silence.

“Come on” he says, extending his hand towards me. I get up and meet him by the door, grabbing his hand. He leads me to my own room shutting and locking the door before gently pushing me down on the bed. We are sideways, facing each other, staying like that for a while. I look with no inhibitions into his deep green eyes and he just looks at me all over. My shoulder, my jaw, my neck. A strand of hair falls into his eyes and automatically I reach to move it, I don't want to miss a single second that i could be looking at them. I realize that I just touched him and I pull my hand away swiftly, the other holding close to my chest to restrain from touching. I decide to kill the silence by addressing the elephant in the room.

“Are you okay? About what we talked about?” I ask.

“I am. It's just that the guys have been asking me about it lately and I don't know what to say to them”, he tells me softly.

“Fuck them, you don't need to explain yourself to them. Or anyone for that matter, Achilles” I add. He gives me an endearing smile as he stares at me. I do the same, then rub my eyes and hide them, fearing that if he looked into them now they would tell him all my secrets. He gently grabs my wrists to pull away the hands that were covering my eyes.

“You make me like this” he says, his voice syrupy and his mouth open in a loopy smile. My eyes meet his when he says the last word and he looks at them. He knows now, I think. I feel my eyes glaze and I shift my gaze, I'm terrified. He grabs my chin and turns my head, forcing me to look at him. We stay like that for a while, then he nods as if he understood. As if he read all that was going through my mind.

“Come here” he pleads, it almost comes out as a whisper. I do so instantly, as if I was waiting for his instruction the whole time. I scoot over and he wraps his arm around me, nuzzling his face into my neck. I pull the blanket over us and rest my chin at the top of his head. He lets out a small sigh. After a few minutes, he pulls back and traces a thumb over my dark circles, and I do the same to his.

“We both look like shit don’t we?” I ask and he lets out a small sigh.

“Can I try something?” he whispers. I nod and feel the rising of his chest beside mine and his steady breaths. His thumb lingers on my eyelids softly before he dips his head and presses a soft kiss to my cheek. He pulls away hastily and his thumb brushes my lips, exhaling loudly and the breath tingles in my mouth before I feel the warmth of his lips. He chastely kisses me, simply pressing our lips together hesitantly and he stutters against my mouth, as if it was taking a lot of effort to hold back. When he pulls away and looks at me, he averts his gaze. I feel like I can't move, and as he turns over it takes everything I’ve got to grab his shirt and pull him to me again.

“If you're gonna steal my first kiss away the least you could do is give me a proper one” His eyes light up and he laughs, gripping the nape of his neck.

“I'm your first kiss? How has anyone not tried to kiss you yet?” I shrug in response.

“You're my first everything. First crush, first kiss, first sexual frustration” I say trailing off and he laughs loudly. He holds himself up with his elbow before leaning sideways and kissing me. This time, he doesn't just press our lips together. He sucks on my mouth and I weakly try to reciprocate. I didn't have any experience but he didn't seem to mind as I slid my hand under his shirt and held on to his hip, the small hitch of his breath told me so.

“Again” I whisper as soon as his lips leave mine and he complies, firmer this time and angling his head to slip his tongue into my mouth. I grip the hair on the back of his his neck just like I always dreamed of and pull him closer. His hands were moving all over the mattress, gripping the sheets in effort to hold back from touching me. Didn’t he know that I wouldn’t mind if he did? He pulls away and both of us are breathing harshly, my chest was heaving up and down like I was running. I had a semi and when I look down I see that it was very visible through the thin sheets. I cover my face in both my hands in embarrassment, because I got hard just from kissing him, kissing _Achilles_.

“What are you embarrassed about?” He says gesturing down to himself. He was the same, and my eyes were probably about to pop out of my skull. “See? Nothing to be ashamed of. I'm gonna go take a shower for like 10 minutes, okay?” He says really fast before turning around but I pull his hand.

“Wait” I say and he turns giving me a questioning look. “We could… I don't know if you want to,but we could…” I sigh, giving up and letting my hand wander through my chest and underneath my waistband before touching myself. I hear Achilles groan before gripping his face hastily.

“Are you trying to kill me?” He says before kneeling beside me on the bed. I stifle a moan when his eyes dart everywhere, mentally taking inventory of every little thing I am doing. I see him grow harder in his pants and when he fails to take the hint, my mouth opens in a silent moan, and I beg.

“Please kiss me again” he surges forward swiftly and smashes our mouths together clumsily, kissing me with teeth and all his warmth as he grabs my free hand and laces our fingers. He keeps kissing and peppering my mouth with all types of kisses. Small but firm. Long and languid, rough and desperate, and without knowing he was fulfilling every single fantasy I’ve ever had. When I feel him rutting against me instinctively, I lead our entwined hands to his waistband and lead his inside while mine caresses his chest. I didn’t know what I was doing, all I knew was that I needed to touch and feel him there. He was always so warm. As my own hand moves, I can feel his moving inside his pants against my crotch and a moan leaves my lips against my will. I can feel his smile against my mouth and I pull away, putting my hand on his neck. I give him a questioning look, and he gives me a pleased smile before stating

“You're usually so quiet, I should have known you would be so responsive and loud” I’m about to tell him to fuck off but he moves his hand again, and I arch my back as a whining sound erupts from my already gaping mouth. He gives me a _see_ look and rubs our noses together before continuing his ministrations and kissing me softly.

“Can I touch you here?” He asks pulling away, and I almost laugh at the request.

“Yes” I say and that all he needs before harshly tugging my boxers down. He grabs me and experimentally moves his hand up and down my lenght, testing how I liked it. He traces a single finger through the side and digs his thumb into the slit. He wasn't satisfied until he found out what drove me absolutely insane. His hand is ceaseless as he strokes me, mine being there too but completely useless in the state I was in. His other hand is in my lower back, holding me closer as he pressed into me. The noises that want to leave my mouth are inhumane, but I stifle them successfully. He pulls away and oogles me, a satisfied smile rests on his lips.

“I love seeing you like this. I love it even more knowing that I'm the reason” he whispers in my ear, grinding me down on the mattress.

“Stop teasing Achilles” I manage to choke out between whimpers as he looks down on me raptly. His eyes scan my face and he responds with a smirk in his lips that curls harder as he moves our hands further up me and I writhe on the bed.

“Then stop holding back, I want to hear you” he says before pressing our lips together. He brushes his thumb against my slit again, and I break the kiss to let out a sharp whimper. “Who wouldn't enjoy hearing that?” he says against my ear again, and presses his lips to my earlobe, sucking on it.

“Achilles” I groan and he rests his head on my shoulder, nibbling on my neck. This was incomparable to the visions I had. I felt like my whole body was on fire. I grab his jaw guiding his lips to mine, wanting to feel the warmth of his mouth on mine. After this, I can never go back to just imagining. I would need this like I needed breathing. I kiss him hungrily, slipping our tongues together. He moves our hands faster and releases my mouth to hear my extinguished sounds come to life again. He jerks me one more time before I spill into our hands cursing into the silence of the room. Achilles looks at me with lustful eyes and grabs my hand, still moist from my release, and presses a kiss to my knuckles. He takes my fingers, slips them into his parted mouth and sucks on them. He releases them and I look at him in awe. Not even in my head had he ever done that. That was probably the hottest thing I have ever seen. That is until he leans and kisses me hard with dripping lips. My hand moves to his inner thighs, massaging circles where they connect to his torso. He jerks when I my hand grabs him and he leans forwards to make our lips meet again. Achilles kisses like he is, spontaneous and wild. He pulls away as my hand moves faster against him. His back is arched and his head thrown back, mouth open prettily as he keens. I’m focused on his face, and the way his body reacts beneath my touch. I want to watch him as he is reborn in my hands. His breaths become shorter and he pants loudly, he never breathed like that. Achilles hips move into my hand almost desperately and I lean forwards and kiss him just because I can right now, and because I don't know if I'll ever get to do it again. My hand grips his hip tightly. And he does the same to my shoulder, indicating that he's close. I kiss him harder and try to move my hand in tandem with my mouth. I didn’t really know what I was doing but it seemed to be working as he leans into my hand and I tighten my grip, moving faster. He moves forward one more time before releasing into my hand. We lay on my bed, looking up at the white ceiling in complete silence.

“Do you know for how long I held back from doing all that?” He asks, digging his fingers into my scalp and I stop leaning into his touch when my brain short circuits as those words leave his mouth.

“What?” I ask, sitting up in disbelief. “Wait, what the fuck? Since when, Achilles?” I question loudly because my heart was beating so harshly inside my chest I couldn’t hear anything else.

“I kind of knew since my first kiss with Deidamia in 10th grade. When she kissed me with her stupid synthetic cherry flavoured lip gloss I found myself pretending that it was you instead of her. When you let your hair grow out it was much more easier to pretend” he says and chuckles a bit. I had a phase in 10th grade where I left my brown curly hair grow out more, it was almost chin length.

“That was more than 3 years ago” I ramble, trying to wrap my head around it. I loved Achilles since I was like 10, that I was sure of. And here he’s telling me he started to like me when we hit puberty.

“Is that the truth?” I ask him shakily. I couldn’t handle it if he joked around with this.

“Have I ever lied to you, Patroclus?” He asks me shifting in the bed to look at me. I shake my head no, and he makes a noise of agreement.“Then why would I start now?” He questions me and doesn’t let me answer because he kisses me quiet.

“I have loved you all of my life, all of it” I say against his mouth and he presses harder, and we pant in relief. When we pull away, he smiles breathlessly at me, and I must look like a dumbass with the biggest smile on earth. Never did I think that this would actually happen, not in a million years.

“I wish I had known sooner” he says. “About both of us. Surprisingly, it took me a really long time to realize that maybe I imagined being with you meant I loved you, as much more than just a friend” He says stifling a laugh at the end and we both erupt in laughter.

“Surprisingly? You’re so clueless sometimes I wonder how you made it to be 18” I say between laughs.

“Shut up Patroclus, you’re worse since you knew but didn’t tell me. Why didn’t you?” He asks, his voice getting very serious all of a sudden. “You know we don’t keep secrets and you, you kept your feelings hidden for much longer” he says almost sounding hurt.

“What did you want me to say? Oh Achilles, I've been in love with you since I was 10, I love you so much it hurts to look at you? I want you to ram me into my mattress! There’s things you can't just blurt out, especially to your supposedly straight crush / best friend” And this makes him lose it, his incandescent laughter filling up the room.

“I don’t know if I’m completely straight or not, but you’re the only person that I’m attracted to Patroclus” he says after laughing, combing my hair backwards with hand. I blush at this, and he takes advantage of my vulnerability.

“You still want me to ram you into the mattress?” He asks tentatively. I nod rapidly before he’s kissing me eagerly again. I couldn’t believe we were doing this. It so worth the wait, so worth the bittersweet fantasies and daydreams. Seven years of pinning slip through my fingers as I get ready for round two.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank You for reading, you’re lovely!!!! <3


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